So, one month ago today, 11-15-12, my Mom lost her battle with ALS.  It was a difficult fight, but we got through it the way my family usually deals with difficulty,  Humor, sarcasm and food.  Maybe not the healthiest way of dealing with issues, but it works for us.

In her final few days, Mom was pretty much out of it, thankfully.  I can’t imagine being trapped in a body that is shutting down, unable to move, swallow, talk and struggling for every breath.  But still having a mind that knows and understands what is going on.  Those couple of days in the hospital I would just sit and hold her hand for hours and every so often she would give it a squeeze.  I knew she wanted out of there, she hated hospitals.  It was horrible to watch and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.  Although if they couldn’t talk that might be nice.  Yes, there is that sarcasm.

One of the last interactions where she was still lucid was with a doctor in the ER at Hershey.  We thought she might have aspirated some liquid into her lungs and had to call an ambulance to take her to the hospital.  Jen and I were with her in her ER room and the doctor was in to ask some questions.  Mom was only able to answer with moving her head yes or no, so I started answering the questions.  The doctor was hesitating, so I mentioned that I had her POA (power of attorney).  Jen added that she was just the POS and Mom laughed at that.

I think she knew her time was very limited, even though she didn’t want to know any details and wanted me to make all the decisions.  I struggle every day, wondering if I could have done anything to help or make the situation better, wishing I’d had more patience when things were difficult.  I keep thinking of times when I would get so angry, not at her but at this horrible disease, and would snap and say something mean.  I would apologize later, but I still feel awful about those situations.  I just hope she understood.  The good times I remember are slowly pushing these tough memories out of my head.

Thank you to everyone who was there for Mom and Jen and I during these difficult times.  Family and friends are what make these horrible times bearable.

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Now lets look ahead.  The next Amazing Scavenger Ralley is being held August 24, 2013.  It will be benefiting the ALS Association again, in memory of Mom.  I am hoping to make it an extra special event this time, so check back occasionally for updates.  The big news will be released through the blog before anywhere else!

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